Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Not So Good News
Things did not turn out so well in the adoption situation. I had such hopes that I could finally, after three long years, have a child or children as part of our family. But it seems it isn't meant to be.
The situation I wrote about in my last post with the respite for the two children not only didn't work out, it ended up with my husband and I being called liars and everyone angry at us.
The initial meeting with these children was with me, the adoption counselor, the pre adoptive mom, and the kids. We met at my house, so the kids could meet me and my kids and get used to the surroundings. We met for over 3 hours. I was a little concerned when most of the meeting was about the pre adoptive mom and no one told me any information or was able to answer my questions, but I chalked it up to her bad situation. By the end of the meeting, the agreement was for us to take the kids starting Saturday until Tuesday. Then we would take them again for a longer periods of time until the pre adoptive mom had a chance to make up her mind about the adoption and we had a chance to get to know the kids.
Well, she dropped them off Saturday without car seats, medical cards or even so much as telling us their last names. We coped the best we could, going out and buying all the supplies they needed ourselves. We tried to keep them busy all weekend running in the yard, going to McDonald's, and having as much fun as we could fit in.
Then, come Sunday night, the pre adoptive mom calls and tells us she is not coming back to get the kids. We were floored. We called the adoption counselor and explained what had happened. We were told, "Well, aren't you were interested in adopting?" After a series of phone calls and emails, it was decided that the pre adoptive mom would come back as planned on Tuesday. On Tuesday she did show up but she was very angry. She came, grabbed the kids and left.
I contacted the adoption counselor and asked what was happening. She explained that the pre adoptive mom could never have abandoned the kids like we told her and that we were wrong by not taking the kids on permanently. I explained that a day and a half was not long enough to decide if we were a good fit (the agency promotes a good fit ad nauseum in their trainings), and she kept implying we were wrong not to take the kids. I also asked why we didn't get any support with this situation and she again said we were wrong and that she did support us.
My husband was pretty upset by this whole conversation and decided to contact the director of the agency. She listened to him, had me send all the relevant emails between us and the counselor, then never contacted us again. My husband emailed her yesterday after waiting a week and she told him that we were liars (it was all "miscommunication") and that the counselor did everything right. She refused to allow us to change counselors, saying this counselor is the only one who does matching (we know there are two) and basically blew us off. So much for being the best adoption agency in Pittsburgh.
So ends our adoption attempts. My husband keeps saying we should try again with another agency, but that means starting all over from the beginning with trainings, CPR certifications, clearances, letters of reference, home inspections and all the stacks of forms you have to fill out. I just can't bring myself to go through it all again, just to sit and hope. It's time to count my blessings and move on. It breaks my heart and I can't stop crying about it, but sometimes you just have to know when it's over. And it's over.